There are several special things about the internet and life that this column has not
covered yet (it's only been posted three times, reader!). One of those things is that you can actually make a living, if you are very, very lucky, by being a dead person (!).
Being dead and getting paid for it is tough. The first one I can come up with is:
POSING AS A MEDICAL RESEARCH CADAVER
Tough, but I think as a theory a very possible thing. First off, you'll need to take whatever Romeo took at the end of Romeo and Juliet (I didn't realize they had such big funny looking eyes in that play but I didn't see pictures of it until just now). So we'll call that step one.
STEP ONE: Find an apothecary (?) and take whatever sleep poison he or she can sell you.
Then you need to make find yourself a doctor before you take the sleep poison. That is something that's easy, if you have insurance. If not, find a free clinic near you and ask them if they would be interested in borrowing your corpse for money. I'm going to try this one out after I finish up on this post. So I guess that's step two.
STEP TWO: Ask a doctor how much money they will give you for being dead.
Then you're going to need to ask a friend to take the money for you since you'll be playing dead for awhile at a doctor's office. Have them put it into their account, but maybe first try to use a cool website like this one (I saw it on T.V., haven't tried it myself) and see if you can make sure all the doctor money goes into a little account that is a sub-section of the one your friend owns. That would be step three.
STEP THREE: Get a friend to handle your money.
Then you'll need to wake up and have a friend pick you up. You can even use the same friend who did the money thing for you. If the apothecary was any good at his job he would have given you the exact time when you are supposed to wake up, so your friend will be there to smuggle you out and the doctors will just think that the students stole you for a prank.
STEP FOUR: Pretend to be stolen because of a silly prank.
And now you have however many dollars (enough to live on at least) that being a corpse for a doctor will get for you!
More tips on being dead for a living when Lifestyles, With Parnell Vol. 3 - Being a Dead Person For a Living and Getting Paid For It returns!
This is Parnell, signing off.